I love going out, there’s something about it that triggers something inside me, I’m not sure exactly what it is or why it happens but night after night, weekend after weekend I always find my way into some seedy underground nightclub, bar or more recently pub. The only problem is most of time I’m out on my own. The brunette doesn’t like going out as much as I do and my friends tend to prefer staying in rackin’ up lines surrounded by friendly faces. Ultimately both groups of people tend to think going out is a waste of time. Now granted, London’s nightlife is a bit of quagmire, whether its having to buy tickets months in advance or having to rock up at said spot with a female friend or two to guarantee entry, it can be a lot of hard work to get your two-step on on a Friday night. I kind of like it though, the harder it is to get in, the more I wanna go, hence my undying love and appreciation for the Berghain which is one of the best clubs in the world and well known for it’s uber strict door policy (of the 7 occasions I’ve visited I’ve only been granted entry 3 times) but once you’re inside you “get it”. On any given night you’ll scan the room and realise the snotty door policy pays dividends because everyone is cool as fuck and more importantly you’ll realise there’s ZERO dickheads in attendance.
Getting into clubs on your own is another story though and something I’ve been trying to perfect over the years. I was given a bit of an unfair advantage in the early days in Dalston because I used to promote parties on “the strip” for the best part of 5 or so years. During that time I became quite friendly with a small group of bouncers who rotated around the same 4-6 clubs. So if you wanna make friends with bouncers and influence people then follow these instructions…First off if you’re planning on a big night out on your own pop by the nightclub of your choice early doors, lets say 10pm – walk in, pay your money and get your stamp – on the way in chat to the bouncer or door girl – don’t tell them your life story, but a bit of banter will go a long way. Once you’re in, get yourself a drink or two and if anyone asks why you’re there on your own just say you’re waiting for a friend. Don’t latch onto to a group of randoms for too long, no-one likes a beg friend, find a nice spot where you enjoy the ambiance of the club and ultimately scoop the area. If you’re not too shy (you’ll be fairly sober at this point) have some small talk with the bartenders. If there’s a hot girl working there don’t be a creep, just say hi and keep it moving, remember it’s 10pm they’ll be plenty of time for you to come back around and use you’re terrible chat up lines on her, so don’t be weird.
After a couple evenly spaced drinks, make your excuses and leave promising the bouncer you’ll be back later on (he probably won’t give a shit or acknowledge you, but it doesn’t hurt to try). Once you’re on the outside pop into the nearest dimly lit bar and grab yourself a whisky on the rocks – and this is the important part – a bottle of water. Take that to the smoking area (if it permits) and start chatting to randoms puffing on their cancer sticks. If you don’t smoke, don’t start now you’ll look like a muppet and you’ll be coughing your guts on the dance floor later on, but if you’re really dead set on it grab a pack menthols cigarretts from the local offie and if anyone asks why you’re smoking that shit, tell them you’re recovering addict; always works. Rinse and repeat the above routine a couple of times before making your way back to the club and preferably greeting the same bouncer upon your re-entry. If you do this over a months and don’t get too wasted and make a twat of yourself, you’ll be well on your way to claiming the coveted title of “regular” – an honour usually reserved for close friends and family. You’re welcome.
TL;DR – Don’t drink too much if you’re on your own and don’t be a dick to bouncers/bartenders.