Friendships never die

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Ever since my heart was broken by a friend when i was 10 years old i’ve inoculated myself to any possibility of hurt, by completely isolating myself from everyone. And when i mean everyone, i mean the entire fucking world. It’s was so bad that i didn’t see my Mum & Dad for weeks/months on end, even though we only live 30 minutes apart. It’s was really bad. But towards end of the year i’ve made strides to correct that, case in point i try to visit my parents every weekend, which has been great, my Mum doesn’t bug me anymore about why i don’t visit, my Dad gets to give me a lecture on the state politics and i get to laugh uncontrollably for hours, talking to my not-so-little brothers; win!

But with friends it’s a bit more tricky. Over the years – like anyone else – i’ve lost some friends along the way, but not through any fault of my own, life just took us on different journeys and unfortunately we haven’t been able to cross paths again. It’s a bummer, but i guess it happens all the time, especially in a metropolitan city like London where people are ascending and descending along the social and economical spectrum on a daily basis. The real issue i seem to have is maintaining a friendships with people i’m still in contact with or in close proximity too. For some reason i’ve been disastrously unable to communicate with anyone, and the really worrying thing is that i seem to enjoy it. I guess deep down i really hate having to explain myself in any way, shape or form. I just want to move around the planet with as little to no excess baggage as possible. The mere fact that i relate friendship to baggage probably says a lot about my mental state, but i hope you get where i’m coming from. In essence i find maintaining friendships very difficult because i’m insanely selfish with my time, there; i said it aloud.

The issue has compounded itself the older i get as i now have an insatiable need to talk to someone about life. But not in a boyfriend and girlfriend type way, i mean a real deep meaningful conversation with another person who has an interesting and ultimately different perspective on things. In some way i started my podcast as way to address that problem, as it allows me the space to journal my thoughts aka brain fart, but the issue with that approach is that you’ve got no-one talking back too you. Which lead me right back to a place i thought i’d never be, which is opening myself up to being vulnerable again, which is scary as fuck for a serial loner like myself. But i’m a firm believer that life is about putting yourself in as many uncomfortable positions as possible and overcoming them. I started the process the other day by explaining my terrible actions to a friend i’d ignored for the last few months, which was awkward at first but ultimately lead to a very favourable conclusion; we’re good now. I dont’ know why i avoided it for so long, but being able to talk through your grievances with another adult without it getting volatile was great, and something i hope to continue in the long run.

Flexing my podcasting muscles

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I haven’t posted about it as much on this blog, but i’ve finally got back into the swing of recording regular podcasts episodes again. It’s been a bit of a weird journey, I initially got the bug to do my own show after listening to Chris Moore’s aka Barbell Buddha’s podcast (RIP). He was really good at articulating his thoughts, dreams and aspirations through the medium of a podcast, and the best thing about is that most of his episodes were under 1 hour. I was a little worried in the beginning when I spent most of my time researching podcasts shows by comedians and entertainments who by their very definition are paid to talk for hours and hours. But luckily i’ve been able to find a sweet spot where most of my episodes sit between 40 minutes to 1 hour in length, which is just about enough time for a good healthy ramble or two.

As with any of my creative endeavours the process itself is far enjoyable than the finished product. I’ve had loads of fun recording it on my iPhone, exporting it to GarageBand, tweaking the clips, uploading it to Spreaker and finally sharing it across my social. It’s really fun and just serves as another creative outlet with little to no expectations attached to it, which is obviously the best part. I recently secured my first podcasts sponsorship too in Audible which is amazing, it’s great to have a sponsor on-board that i’m a real fan of. I may invite guests on future episodes, but for now it will serve as a platform for me to spread ideas and observations as i grow, hope you guys like it!

The Agostinho Zinga Show #015 – Listen to it on iTunes here & Spreaker here

And as i mentioned earlier my podcast is brought to you by audible.com – get a FREE audiobook download and 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/AZSHOW

Over 180,000 titles to choose from for your iPhone, Android, Kindle or mp3 player.

If you’re not sure where to start with audiobooks I’ve listed some of my recommendations below, feel free to have a browse;

Dizzee Rascal at the Copper Box Arena, A Brief & Frantic Reminder Of His Power

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Back in the day you got the sense that a lot of Grime MC’s, DJ’s and Producers were incredibly enamoured with the idea that a big record label would come along and ‘rescue’ them (for lack of a better phrase term). There was a collective idea that success meant appearing on Top of Pops and selling out 30,000 capacity stadiums and anything less than that was deemed a failure. The early success of Lethal Bizzle’s More Fire Crew and acts such as So Solid and Roll Deep Crew probably didn’t help matters. Inevitably that thirst for success led to many an artist to stray too close to the mainstream flame which would eventually burn them out in the process. Luckily one artist was able to defy convention and produce one of the best albums in Grime history; Dizzee Rascal. I loved Dizzee growing up, he was this mysterious figure within Grime who didn’t quite belong to any crew and sorta floated around, but still held his own during random radio sets you’d catch him on. Then suddenly out of nowhere he was signed to XL records and you kinda felt a bit of sad, because you knew it would mean his music would turn to shit whilst he chased mainstream success.

Luckily before his music went dudu he produced ‘Boy In the Corner’; a seminal piece of work of relentless angst and introspection laced with some great bits of humour. Last Saturday i got the chance to see Dizzee perform the album in its entirety for the first time ever at an event sponsored by Red Bull. The show was amazing although there was some parts I would have changed such as Dizzee’s outfit, it’s a small detail but it would have been great to see him wear the same outfit he had on the album cover live. And the visual element of the show was non-existent, which would have added another dimension to the event. He also had to cut the song ‘Jezebel’ short because he forgot some of his lyrics but even with all that being said, being in an arena the size of Cooper Box alongside other die-hard Dizzee fans was an experience i’ll treasure for a long time.

Leave the world better than you found it

I’ve been reading ‘Surely You’re Joking Mr. Feynman’ and what struck me was that although Richard Feynman was a brilliant physicist, teacher and everything else in-between, like all great geniuses he seemed to suffer most when it came to anything relating to ‘emotional intelligence’. He wasn’t a good reader of people or situations. Then it struck me, can you be that smart and still be light up a room with your wit and humour? Probably not, but when you’re as intelligent as Richard Feynman and Elon Musk who cares?

I’ve been watching a lot of Elon Musk lectures, interviews and talks, he’s a fascinating guy. Some of his interviews and super hard to get through, he’s not the best speaker in the world, but there’s still something quite captivating about him that make you hang on his every word. It’s really weird. The video above needs no description, just watch it and remind yourself everyday that you ain’t shit, there’s people like Elon Musk out there trying to make the world a better place whilst you spend 8hrs a day refining your social media calendar. It’s not a case of levels, i find that term a bit disparaging, but more a case of priorities. If we all heed the call to try to make the world a better place, in whatever way we can we’ll hopefully advance mankind a few steps, but if we all collectively spend our time trying to convince ourselves that what we do is of any importance to society at large, we’ll be looking back in a few years wondering why no-one we’re surrounded by pools of molten lava (aka doomsday).

P.s. This blog is brought to you by audible.com – get a FREE audiobook download and 30 day free trial at www.audibletrial.com/AZSHOW – Audible has over 180,000 titles to choose from for your iPhone, Android, Kindle or mp3 player.

Dalston DJ

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It’s been a while since I last played in Dalston, I can’t remember the exact date but I’m pretty sure it was sometime last year, either way its been a long fucking time. I’ve had a bit of tumultuous relationship with that part of Hackney, it brought me joy in my early 20’s but on the other hand I succumbed to it’s web of drug abuse and alcoholism. At the time it hit me quite hard, i just couldn’t balance the craziness of ‘the strip’ with any sort of career/life progression. All the stories I read about creative-types finding their way in life during a drug fuelled night just didn’t seem to work out for me in the same way. Instead i got myself into fights and in some cases banned from certain establishments, for life! Luckily i didn’t let it get too crazy (lol) and took some time out to figure shit out in the hope that i’d come back stronger than before, and thankfully that time has now come.

I’ll be DJ’ing at this new place on Kingsland Road called Junction House, it opened in September and luckily they had a slot free that I could take on short notice. Music policy will be mainly House, Disco and bit of Techno, but i’m open to letting the night take me on a bit of a journey, it’s a 5 hour set so plenty of time to go on a tangant or two. I’m really looking forward to it either way and if you happen to be in the area on Saturday 29 October swing along for a dance or two!

Facebook event page

Resident Advisor event page

What I learned listening to Dan Bilzerian

I’m not the jealous nor envious type, it’s just not in my nature. If anything whenever i see someone smashing it in their field i try my best to decipher what makes them tick and if possible pluck out one practical nugget i can apply to my own life; but i know i’m more probably in the minority with that kind of thinking. I guess for some people pointing out the shortcomings of others is fun and distracts you from yourself, and if we’re all completely honest the last thing we want to do is spend any prolonged period of time with our own thoughts. But there’s something about guys that are able to attract the level of women they want that makes me green with envy. I don’t know why, actually I do…

I was never the best with girls, especially when I was younger, I was one of those losers who gave girls I had a crush on plastic roses for Valentines day (you know the type with the fake drops of water) only for them to turn around and say “Oh my god thank you! That’s so cute” – Girls, if you ever want to know one way to kill a mans souls, tell him he’s cute, especially if he’s into you. Works everytime.

So whenever I’d see someone absolutely smashing it with the ladies, a part of me would wonder “How in the flying fuck does he make it look so easy?!?!?!” And for a long time I just couldn’t figure it out, but luckily just as i was about to leave University I discovered a book called ‘The Game’ and like any self-respecting geek I dived head first into the PUA (Pick-Up Artist) community, trying to absorb as much game as I could, in the hope that one day I’d be able submit a worthwhile field report of my own (if you know you kno).

When I first stumbled across Dan Bilzerian’s Instagram account those feelings of inadequacies came flooding back, and suddenly i was sat that one hour and thirty minutes later wondering why i wasn’t trapezzing around the world trying to fuck anything with a heart beat. And I guess that’s where a lot of the hate for Dan Bilzerian comes from. Guys see him and see what they don’t have, instead of just watching it play out like good reality tv show (which it is in it’s purest sense). Instead they attach all their feelings of not being quite good enough to a guy who by all accounts is just having a bit fun (harmless fun too).

Then you have the ‘holier than thou’ brigade, who for some reason are convinced that every human being in the world, has an obligation to do great and meaningful work for the advancement of humanity. In my opinion both groups are wrong. We have a tendency to believe this fallacy that money doesn’t buy happiness, but I tend to disagree. If you walk up to a guy struggling to provide for his family and working a dead job an extra £30K a year, I’m pretty sure he’d be happy. It’s not an obscene amount of money, but it would bring him and his immediate family happiness; no doubt. I guess the problem lies with what happens next. For some reason the human mind is wired to never be happy with our lot. It’s rare that you bump into someone who’s happy with what they have, regardless of where they sit on the pay scale, we all want a little bit more. But fundamentally, an extra bit of money so you can afford the things you most desire will make you happy (in some cases of course).

Dan doesn’t do many interviews and by all accounts and you can kinda see why. Although he came across relatively well on the Joe Rogan Experience, he seemed to have the sentence cadence of a guy that’s used to getting grilled about his lifestyle choices. Everything he says has a hint of truth and half-truth to it. I guess coming up under the shadow of a super successful father (with questionable methods) you’re naturally going try to distance from him as much as possible. And I guess that’s where I’m left scratching my head with people who walk away from that interview still hating Dan. He’s obviously a rich kid who realised early on that he didn’t want to be known as his father’s son. And instead of just sitting there getting handouts he decided to create an entire persona and all-encompassing solar system which gave him license to blow shit up, fuck 10 girls in one night and generally be one of the most recognisable personalities across social media. I think that’s quite cool.

Taking time out to think

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I’ve always been a big thinker. I remember when I was around 10 or 11 years old for long periods at a time I’d just sit at home and think. Usually it wasn’t overtly profound but i distinctly remember really enjoying taking time out for myself and just letting my mind wander. That might be one of the reasons why i’m such a loner today. As much as i enjoy meeting people new and old, the thought of having to live with people’s thoughts day in day out really scares me. Especially when most of the time it’s nothing but negative self speak said aloud. I know that’s a bit of a sweeping generalisation but i’ve noticed whenever people gather around in groups to chit-chat most of their time is spent (I’d guess around 70%) talking about stuff they don’t like or enjoy. I’ve never really got that. I guess there’s an aspect of ‘misery loves company’ but you’d think that a group of people who obviously have a lot of shared interest and love for each other would find other things to talk about, than why they hate the Kardashians…

As of late I’ve been more strict with my time than usual. I have little to no time for social activities or gatherings, and not through any sort of heightened sense of self, i just need to knuckle down and get my life sorted out before anything else. We only get one shot at this thing called life and for some of us that have been dealt shitty genetic or fortune cards, that time could be a lot shorter than you imagine. The last image you want to see when you pass over to the other side (if you believer in that), is you bored shitless somewhere with talking to people you genuinely don’t like because you’ve convinced yourself that it’s good for ‘networking’; Do. Not. Want.

At the time of writing this blog entry I’ve not meet or spoke to any of my ‘friends’ in real life for more than 2 months. That’s a bit much, but i genuinely have little to no desire to correct it, and i’m fine with that; for now.

Link to book in featured image – “Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman!” by Richard Feynman